Yesterday was really an impressive day that gave me a lesson. Yep, my grandpa's temper is really worse than my mom. When I saw him shouting to my mom on phone, I was so shocked. Does he know his stubborn would make how many people upset? Even he is the eldest so everybody should respect him. Of course I know this, but in which way others would respect him not only because his age but also his personality? Is that really worth to insist on his personal rule rather than hurt others? What's more, he was not hurting any body else but his own daughter! I hate seeing other shouting. It makes that person looks like a crazy, out of mind bastard. When I saw my grandpa doing that, my respect to him totally collapsed. He is the eldest, so he should be the model of us.
Every one has his or her own temper, I do have mine too. I got very upset when seeing him doing that to my mom. I cried. Few minutes ago I was just making complaint toward my mom, but at that moment, I started to really sympathize her. How come she could stand for my grandpa's extreme and desperate temper for such a long time? (Fortunately, she moved out since she was studying in senior high school and lived alone.) If I was her, I would be crazy to have such a dad like him. Is that the reason why my grandma moved out from my grandpa and lives with my uncle?
There are too many questions among my family, but I can never figure out. No one can solve those problems which are made by our elder members. Those problems are untouchable. Frankly speaking, what I see is only selfish, stubborn, desperation and impatience... Yes, they're not only my opinion but fact. That's why those problem are untouchable, because they refer to the problems of our elder members' personality. We have no right to change their personality. I do not know what did they get through in their life, but at least, shouldn't they take care of others' feelings? Emotional action and response could never get spontaneous respect. Doesn't he want to be a respectful member who is not only being respected with his age but also the good personality? Maybe he is just unable to. I mean, individually, he is not really a person that good in controlling his temper. I could not imagine what did my mom feel when my grandpa shouted at her on that call. All she did then was just asking me to leave with her to not irritate my grandpa continuously. She won my respect rather than my grandpa immediately at that time.
I acknowledge I'm not a person with good temper, but at least I won't hurt others on purpose in that outrageous way, especially thoe who I love. Although I don't always have a good attitude toward my mom, at least I still know... yes, like bb told me, she is my mom and I love her. I'd aim at things to respond but not aim at specific person. There are some hurts she caused on me, or those nightmare would not come to knock on my door while I sleep. However, I have a consciousness that I should do like what my grandpa should do, FORGET THE PAST. We got wonderful and hopeful future, how silly are we to be strict by our heavy and hurtful past. Worrying and losing temper change nothing but only bring us more and more sorrow and tears. We can be a better self, how could we give up this precious chance? We are who we want to be.
Okay, crap time is over. Let's change another more delightful topic.
Every morning is beautiful that I can wake up with your tender voice. "Good morning baby. I miss you". This is the best sentence I would like to hear in every morning when my eyes are still lazily closing. After couple days of tiring traveling, this is the morning that I can finally sleep late and don't need to scrupulous about time so I could talk with baby until he get sleepy. Like my mom said (she's right about me this time) "He is your all" (Hey it's spoken by her, a little bit ironically though LOL) Yes, every morning is so beautiful that I can talk with bb, and fighting on bed about the blanket, pillows, and space to sleep. Otherwise, I think we can hardly sleep quietly because our noses take turn to make music. HA. Baby you feel cold? I'm not going to give you any of the blanket until you come to hug me in your arms, which are warmer than any other place. (whisper: I love you. )
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