Our morning

　　Yesterday was really an impressive day that gave me a lesson. Yep, my grandpa's temper is really worse than my mom. When I saw him shouting to my mom on phone, I was so shocked. Does he know his stubborn would make how many people upset? Even he is the eldest so everybody should respect him. Of course I know this, but in which way others would respect him not only because his age but also his personality? Is that really worth to insist on his personal rule rather than hurt others? What's more, he was not hurting any body else but his own daughter! I hate seeing other shouting. It makes that person looks like a crazy, out of mind bastard. When I saw my grandpa doing that, my respect to him totally collapsed. He is the eldest, so he should be the model of us.
　　Every one has his or her own temper, I do have mine too. I got very upset when seeing him doing that to my mom. I cried. Few minutes ago I was just making complaint toward my mom, but at that moment, I started to really sympathize her. How come she could stand for my grandpa's extreme and desperate temper for such a long time? (Fortunately, she moved out since she was studying in senior high school and lived alone.) If I was her, I would be crazy to have such a dad like him. Is that the reason why my grandma moved out from my grandpa and lives with my uncle?
　　There are too many questions among my family, but I can never figure out. No one can solve those problems which are made by our elder members. Those problems are untouchable. Frankly speaking, what I see is only selfish, stubborn, desperation and impatience... Yes, they're not only my opinion but fact. That's why those problem are untouchable, because they refer to the problems of our elder members' personality. We have no right to change their personality. I do not know what did they get through in their life, but at least, shouldn't they take care of others' feelings? Emotional action and response could never get spontaneous respect. Doesn't he want to be a respectful member who is not only being respected with his age but also the good personality? Maybe he is just unable to. I mean, individually, he is not really a person that good in controlling his temper. I could not imagine what did my mom feel when my grandpa shouted at her on that call. All she did then was just asking me to leave with her to not irritate my grandpa continuously. She won my respect rather than my grandpa immediately at that time.
　　I acknowledge I'm not a person with good temper, but at least I won't hurt others on purpose in that outrageous way, especially thoe who I love. Although I don't always have a good attitude toward my mom, at least I still know... yes, like bb told me, she is my mom and I love her. I'd aim at things to respond but not aim at specific person. There are some hurts she caused on me, or those nightmare would not come to knock on my door while I sleep. However, I have a consciousness that I should do like what my grandpa should do, FORGET THE PAST. We got wonderful and hopeful future, how silly are we to be strict by our heavy and hurtful past. Worrying and losing temper change nothing but only bring us more and more sorrow and tears. We can be a better self, how could we give up this precious chance? We are who we want to be.
　　Okay, crap time is over. Let's change another more delightful topic.

　　Every morning is beautiful that I can wake up with your tender voice. "Good morning baby. I miss you". This is the best sentence I would like to hear in every morning when my eyes are still lazily closing. After couple days of tiring traveling, this is the morning that I can finally sleep late and don't need to scrupulous about time so I could talk with baby until he get sleepy. Like my mom said (she's right about me this time) "He is your all" (Hey it's spoken by her, a little bit ironically though LOL) Yes, every morning is so beautiful that I can talk with bb, and fighting on bed about the blanket, pillows, and space to sleep. Otherwise, I think we can hardly sleep quietly because our noses take turn to make music. HA. Baby you feel cold? I'm not going to give you any of the blanket until you come to hug me in your arms, which are warmer than any other place. (whisper: I love you. )

It's Chinese New Year time

　　It is today. Our Chinese new year. One year has passed, we have went through a lot. The scene of last year still haunting in my head, vividly like it was yesterday. Finally finished my senior high school and entranced into my ideal university and department smoothly. I'm glad that in last year I achieved so many thing that made my life more meaningful and impressive. No matter how tough is life, we'll always tough it out. Yes, regardless to those adversities and tears, I did really have a good year. Wish others blessings, I feel myself becoming more and more mature, especially with sharing my life with others that makes my own life more beautiful than any of before. I'm grateful to those who love me and those who I love. The most precious present they gave me is their concern and company, their blessing and their wishes.
　　To my families, to my dad, though we haven't been together frequently in last year, but I know you still care about us and love us. You are always the nucleus of our family. To my mom, sorry for bringing you so much troubles since I born. Sorry to make you angry, sad, disappointed and upset. Even though I don't behave well always, and sometimes have a bad attitude toward you, but er... I was just being emotional at times. To my sister, you share so much things with me, thanks for being with me and give me courage sometimes. You are like a friend of mine, a true and sincere one, who I need always a lot.

　　Today is new year eve, the most fascinating night in a year for children. We will get red envelopes which contain money for children. And we will have a BIG MEAL for new year eve. After having dinner we will set off fire crackers for fun (I have heard so many people setting off fire crackers last mid night... setting off fire crackers traditionally is for scaring misfortune away) We gather with our family and relatives to celebrate and greet our brand new year together, enjoy the happiness of hoping.

　　So to all of you: Happy new year again, hope you feel the jubilant of this significant festival as well.

Our corn soup

　　As a result of baby talked about a Chinese restaurant he went for having dinner yesterday, we started talked about food. At the start, we talked mostly about Chinese dishes. We refered to a Chinese style resturant's menu and I introduced some dishes that I prefer, like "Chaw mien", dumplings, sliced chisken with garlic spicy sauce, they're all my favorit. Though I'm not sure how would Chinese dishes be tasted like there, I just give some advices to bb to refer.

　　Anyway, creamy corn soup is a common soup that both suitable for western meals and chinese meals. Creamy corn soup is an universal soup that seems to be too ordinary and common to us. It's so conventional that usually collocates with the principle food majorly in italian restaurant or steak restaurants. However, after talking about food for a long time (I kept talking delicious food), in addition baby didn't have breakfast yet, he was so hunry. I got some numerous recepits on websites, cause baby said he wants to make creamy corn soup. So, here we go:

Heat the water first
put the cut potato and carrot into the boiling water
wait for the water boil again
take out the cooked potato and carrot
cut them into small pieces
pour the creamy corn into the water and stir the soup
wait for the water boil
put some butter into the soup
add a little bit salt
put the marshroom
put the cut onion pieces into the soup
put the pieces of carrot and potato
put in the stirred egg
wait for seconds then stir the soup
add some pepper
done! :)

　　Baby just told me it's out corn soup which is maken by his hands with my direction. Oh so sweet. I hope someday I can really make a meal for bb, though he prefer Japanese food better (so do I...) But still, some classic Chinese dishes I'm still eager to let bb taste, to let him know we Chinese are actully professional in cooking!

Our first time

　　What a sweet surprise that my bb done. Baby collected all articles that I typed on my blog and made them into links, then posted them in a new post in our website.Ohhhhhh want to give you a huge hug. I went to print your smiling photo and put it in front of my desk. Gazing your face then I figure out I’m the happiest girl in the world who has a lovely husband.
　　Here are lots of "first time" I dedicated to bb: first time to know somebody who is so adorable, first time to crash on foreigner, first time to try so hard to learn about an unfamiliar religion, first time to get in touch closely with an exotic culture, first time to go through a long-distance relationship, first time to know how trustful shall I be in a relationship, first time to deliver surprising package, first time to send international greeting card for Chinese new year, first time to have our own website to record the story we made, first time to know love can be so pure and simple, first time to bravely let my mom know a bit about my affair...
　　I know there will be more "first time" maken by us in the futurethat all will be impressive and memorable.

　　I do, really Love You!

　　

How come

　　Oh, God. I bought new clothes like I was out of mind yesterday. The main thing I ought to do was going to downtown to meet Gwen and hand in my old textbooks those are useless for me now but may be useful for her Young sister. I went to post office to send off the package, too. It always makes me feel relaxed when seeing the package is leaving me and going to baby's embrace... Um. I'm so envious of the package lol I hope I was in one of packages I sent :(
　　Ah, the thing I wanted to mention about is new clothes. I persuaded myself that Chinese new year is coming (buying new clothes and shoes at the start of a new year is our custom) So I left everything behind... just crazily spending money on clothes like I so pushed by someone. OMG. On the road to home, while holding the BIG PACK that filled with CLOTHES, the feeling of guilt came upon. "Oh, no. I shouldn't be so luxurious, I shouldn't treat myself that good." "I should be more rational." "I should save money but not spend them on clothes every time..." 　　　　

　　Someone ever gave me a simile, at that time he was explaining to me how do men regard sex (I couldn't figure out at all at that time. But in the matter of fact... even until now I'm still not so understanding until yesterday I suddenly feel something was so pertinent) His example was that: "Sex for men is just like shopping for women." YES. Quite pertinent somehow. Maybe it's not for all but for some, it's absolutely appropriate. Ha. If sex was driving by nature, so does shopping. If having sex was not something bad, so does spending money on clothes. Oh anyway LOL I'm just seeking excuses for myself, don't take it seriously. Even they're similar in some parts, sex can't be compared with shopping though.

A starting point

　　It’s so hard to say good bye to my lovely roommates. Both of them are so thoughtful and friendly that they took care of me and did me a lot of favors. They cleaned up the room for me and informed me about the procedure of applying for moving out of the dorm (I’m too careless to notice such information). Wow. I’m such a lucky girl who has 2 adorable roommates just since I started my dormitory life. It’s really a delightful thing. I’m so thankful about their deeds while I’m shy to express as I always do.　
　　So, my winter vacation has already started since I turned in my marketing exam paper to the assistant. Among my major subjects on final, I think this time marketing would get the lowest score but not media literacy. Oh, awful. I really should improve my attitude and mindset to my studying methods. I tend to crazily concentrated on my textbooks during the week of exam. I tried to study earlier, to review and took my own notes. But however, eventually I always left them after a short time; my passion doesn’t keep for a long time. So, that’s the reason why I gotta be anxious before exams. Anyway, it was caused by laziness. YES, laziness again, the stuff which is attach to me all the time. If laziness is natural humanity, why there are still some people are able to get rid of it? Why there are always people that they can do everything in a tidy way and make things so clear and clean? Why can’t I do the same thing? Why am I incapable to do so good as them?
　　At this moment I decide. The first thing I’m gonna do after arriving home is cleaning up my messy room. One thing I like to do is to change the position of furniture inside of my room. The feeling of freshness cheers me up. I did it so frequently that my mom was mad about I spent time for change the layout of my room but not just clean up our house with her. You know, teens are likely to stay in their own rooms, of course there got some reasons. At least, there’re some external factors that impact on their behaviors indeed.
　　Alright. There is another thing. I bought a new bracelet which is goona be sent to baby. It’s made of silver, and there’re two love shaped buckles in the middle of the bracelet. Wow, gorgeous. The first seeing when I saw it, the sentence popped up in my mind. I asked the price and gazed it for a while, couldn’t speak anything out. The clerk smiled and looked at me, then said to me tenderly: who is the one you’re going to give it out? I staggered and said…. ”boyfriend.” Oh. She is a clever one. The bracelet is really lovely, gorgeous. I hope you’re gonna love it if my assumption is correct. It’s not so big and wide as the former one I sent you, it seems more exquisite. I’m going to send it out with chocolates, to wish you, happy valentines’ day. Though I know it seems you don’t like to celebrate for festivals much, but at least it’s valentines’ day which should be one of our festivals. So anyway I’m gonna send you something special, to celebrate not for the festival but for our love. :)

Face the truth: we're not spotless.

　　How could my life be so tough? I lost my cell phone yesterday and till now still can't it. It must dropped from my pocket somewhere when I was eagerly hurrying for my exam... I'm out of mind! My family will all blame me for my carelessness, and it's not the first time that I make so much troubles for them. Now it feels like I'm isolated from others while walking on the road... Seeing others using or talking on their cell, I'd feel upset. BTW, I was so stupid to misunderstand something that it disappointed me a lot... otherwise, I'm living in a really, really tight budget! :( I will have my final subject tomorrow, marketing. I'm really not in the mood to study, though I know it is my responsibility.

　　There is no good excuses for what I've done. Somehow I think it's better for me to vanish, for not giving my family and people arround me so many troubles and worry about. Again, I feel the hatred come into being inside of me. It is for nobody but myself. I am CRAP. While I'm falling I know there's actually no one really can help me... Everyone has their own stuff to handle with, they have their own burdens. No matter what's the relationship between I and the person, mom, dad, siblings, friends... When I am in need of favors, I always see there is something faked that they pretended to be while helping me. No one can be truly honest, nor do I. I can literally sense that there is a high and strong wall inside of my heart, uh... actually, inside of every one's heart. We cheat. We disguise. We lie and we hide. Okay, that's really enough. No matter the purpose is to protect ourselves or others, that's enough! I hate myself so much because I cannot control all of me myself all the time. Being impatient, hysterical, shallow, selfish... they arn't what I want to be. How can we stand for these things that we keep them existing inside of our body and soul? How can we forgive ourselves if we hurt others with these negative emotions no matter we're intentionally or not? These things are eroding us and there's no way to recover.
　　I have heard a saying that we all have our own evils inside of our body. In my opinion, I think it'd be better to say we're, somehow, all evils. No wonder we're all sinners. We can never get rid of what we've done. We're not the dominator of our own life, it is destiny that controls how would our life be. Happiness usually makes people easy and comportable, but hardly ever lead to impressive reflections. Which one would you choose? Being ordinary or remarkable? After giving out so much negative emotions, alright... maybe it's time to pause.

　　Here. How lovely the smile is which cheers me up a lot in this grievous momet.

Dislike

Oh! It’s Tuesday, Jan 13, now it’s lunch time here. I think I did a not bad job on advertising again I’m glad the efforts I made for it did work. Otherwise, I just had the exam of English reading course. It wore me out! The teacher asked us to write down so much personal feebbacks and recalling about the text. My brain was squeezed! Not to mention the following sociology, all the answer sheets requested hand-writting. I couldn’t believe how much words I’ve wrotten today, my hand is telling me it’s wore out as well!
　　To be honest, I’m not so confident to say I won’t fail any subect. Especially Media literacy. There was a period, when I was in senior high school, I wanted to be a journalist or work for journalism someday. I was interesting in media because it can keep in touch with the society and differt kinds of races, occupations, nations… However, after I chosed advertising dept, and really started to study in media (what am I studying is only a tiny part of media, though) I got bored! Although our dear professor has claimed how important is this subject for us who will maybe work for media planning company or have to make deals with media company, and of course, even we were not studying in advertising dept, media literacy is still important. In the way of understanding how does media operate, there’ll be lesser misunderstandings and dissatisfaction (at least they suppose so) But, Um, anyway,…. I don’t know the reason why I don’t like it is because I acually has no interest in it (but I do like advertising!) or maybe…. it’s because I did not spend enough time on it to figure out what's the essence of it. I’ve given up to study this subject twice. I got 64 points on it last time on midterm, and this time… ops, who knows. (It’s even much worser than economics which I got 80!) WELL. I’m going to study, and to baby, thanks for your understanding this morning …. yes, I did my best! ops…. except media literacy.

Moving on!

　　Finally my advertising exam has finished. Now I got 8 subjects left, waiting me. After tomorrow I will get only 5. What a delightful figure. God helps my media literacy and sociology that I really didn't spend much time on them. I don't know why after entrancing university I got more and more lazy spending time on watching series (now I'm sticking on desperate housewives... Few weeks ago was prison break) and doing those trial and meaningless things... What happened to me? Because there's no body keeps supervising me and pushing me to move forward? Why am I so passive and powerless though I'm pretty sure which direction should I head for to get BETTER. What shall I say? Ohhhhhhhh I really hate myself like this but this is something I can't work out by myself only. I need someone be with me sharing the weight of my pressure and give me a hand to smooth my emotions. When we growing up, we are losing our innocence and purity in the meanwhile... even when I was tracing back to my past, I couldn't recognize that person any more. Is she really who I used to be? Why did I change a lot without knowing?
　　Feel like I'm a helpless lamp now begging for someone's guidance. Living in a desperate situation like now really toughen me. I don't like exams at all. Not At All :(

Here you are!

Finally! Here is my Christmas present from my darling. Though it's being a little bit late. However, I'm still ecstatic to receive it after waiting for a month.

Lovely Christmas ornaments. They make me recall my childhood that always looking forward to Christmas with fantasy. It has been a long time that I didn't decorate our Christmas tree with my family. I miss those innocent time a lot and miss my family as well.

Bodymilk and fruit flavor shampoo. The smells of them are like coming from a charming fairy tale. I guess my mom must love the smell very much. But, um! Will I really take shower or wash my hair with them? Ohhh, I'm really reluctant!

You see the fabulous red box with snow pattern on it which is made of wood. I really Love it because of its unique and exquisite design though I hardly ever like things with red.

They're all my feedback that will be sent for valentine's day. Seems crazy that they're all chocolate. Undoubtedly, my boy friend is a super chocoholic as I am. I suppose we will consist a family of chocoholic that our house may be filled with any kind of chocolate everywhere.

Otherwise, there's a poster of our logo (Him and Her) which was designed by Him for our website. See the following picture.

He wrote on the poster "Baby I can't laugh without you. please be passionate always. Wo ie ni (Chinese, means I love you) -your darling -" My tears were gonna burst out at that time! If he was in front of me I will huggggggggggggggg him tightly without saying a word. I appreciate for everything he done for me, his dedication, his devotion, his love and his passion. It doesn't matter that how tough is loving someone with ten-thousand miles far. Distance makes me know why should I cherish him, and makes our love be memorable and impressive. We're deepening the depth of each others' love when time goes by.

Better man

　　Feel like the chink between us is recovering. I was surprised to hear you were studying when I got up today. We talked with microphone instead of typing like the past several weeks. It produced more joyful laugh when we were talking. Very, very nice to know that you started to strive for your studying again. That's the person I want you to be, yes, earnest and responsible to your business. Though I know it's very selfish to set up a set of standards and expect you to achieve them. I should love WHO YOU ARE but not WHO I WANT YOU TO BE. If you're not like the person who I want you to be, will I stop loving you? How hard to answer. 'Cause you know, I know myself can't lose you and don't want to as well, but if you keep changing into another unfamiliar person who doesn't alike you used to be, I would be disappointed. Yes, I can't deny that I do set up some standards and hope you to achieve, but that doesn't mean I don't allow you to be yourself. I just want you going the right direction which will makes your future more promising, and helpful to our future also. In the mean while I'm doing my best for you, planning on finding a job during winter vocation. Though the money I earn won't be that much to immediately makes me able to reach for you, but I know someday I will. And I don't give up my studying, that's the point. Even you feel now it's a little late to make up for those deficiencies which were caused by laziness. You should know it will never be too late for making up something. The key point is if you are willing to or not. Don't find excuse for yourself, they will make you corrupt only. Be positive! Or sometimes be aggresive to get the chances to improve yourself better.
　　Really happy to know you're activated again. What I need to know is you're going forward and confidently be a better yourself. Hope both of us will someday achieve that. Be a better ourselves.

Changes

　　No matter what you see is hatred or fear, the only thing you got to remember is don't forget about love. Selfishness is a part of natural humanity. For surviving or living in a better life, we take ourselves as the primary to consider. Misunderstanding or dissatisfaction would grow into hatred if we didn't take care of these things well. When it comes to fear, while getting along and having interaction with others in the big surroundings, many accidents beyond our expectation happen in every single day. The changing speed of the world is too fast to us to adapt. It's much more faster then the speed we could regard, even exceed the range of our perception. We tend to perceive our incapability and keep believing that we're too tiny to be somebody in this world. Thus, hatred and fear eroded us. That makes us brea and suffer from anxiety or unrest all the time, until we kill ourselve with diffidence. We should leave the one in our heart who keeps huring us. Open arms to greet things that gonna happen next. Arguments can be solved by apology and compromise. Forgive others while you're out of mind or insist on the right thing when you're afraid are both the representation of love.
　　No goal and better change is approachable without any hard efforting. Only when you're willing to do so, having the determination to last can you approach success gradually. Every better change takes effort. Miracles can also be maken by human.
　　The picture of this article is drawn by me with illustrtor. It's my assignment actually. Aim higher, dream bigger. Well, hope every of us can have a progressive change within 2009. So, start to work hard, guys.

You decide

You bent the rules and denied the truth
All the strong suggestions you ever heard
Your parents say the giant mispercetions of who you really are
You've come too far, here you are, You decide
Cause everybody has to choose sink or swim, win or lose
Not everybody gets it right, fight or flight, so you decide
Make your move, it's up to you.
Don't let the moment pass you by
All eyes on you
What you gonna do with all the swirling in your head
You got to use your heart instead

---You decide, Brandon Heath

As long as I have u

　　Before we take something seriously and devote ourselves to make it done, we hardly ever get meaningful and influential realization from it. Life is either daring or it's nothing. No matter what are you engaging in, enjoy it, because that's the way you'll make it well-done.

　　I spent all the afternoon seating in McDonald's studying advertising with a cup of Latte. Still haven't figure out an efficient method to study on that thick and heavy textbook, or my speed wouldn't be slow. Got to move on faster to finish chapter ten before final exam ;(

　　Well, I just understood that someone is not keen on counting down to greet new year, he has no interest but didn't want to speak it out thus just hid it in his mind and made both of us feel weired this morning. It's not beneficial at all to hide something from me. You knew that I'd still feel something wrong though you pretended nothing. I slept over the moment in my country 'cause I thought I could greet new year with you on you time. Anyway, it's no more important and finally there was no counting down nor saying a sentence of happy new year. But who cares. The best thing is we didn't fight over this boring thing. We're both emotional and sensitive people who cannot stand for mere a tiny problem. In my opinion, if there is a problem existing, it should be solved asap. So I tend to be eager, anxious, impatient and fierce sometimes. (Despite knowing it should be solved peacefully) That's a shortcoming which my boyfriend can never stand for it. Though I know somehow he tried to stand in my shoes to understand me, but he still easily gets impatient likewise. We're so similar in this part. Is that a bad thing for getting along? Being similar in this part doesn't mean we'd easily understand or tolerate each other. It's impossible to totally understand some one's mind though he or she has a close relationship with you. Likewise when you get along with family. Anyway, so I always have to tell myself: calm down, hold on, don't lose your temper like an idiot who is so childish... Perhaps I'm really too childish for him... Age differentia adds culture differentia. Oh, God helps me. Do we get lesser words to say when speaking on skype? Does the gap between us deepen by preference for silence?