It's on fire!

It was like an ordinary Sunday, I brought my laptop to a cafe, setting there with a cup of drink, enjoying such a nice and peaceful afternoon. Later my collegue called, asked me for hanging out. "Sure!" I answered without a second thought, expecting to have a joyful night. We went to 3 night markets in total, and ate plenty of food including cold stone's fabulous ice cream, delicious steak, 滷味(a kind of traditional Taiwanese cusine), stinky tofu, fried chicken with salad, 蚵仔煎...... Anyway, we started to eat since 5 pm, and stopped at 10.30pm. Finally, my collegue was satisfied, and I was full to death.
We went to bathroom at different places for several times, once was at starbucks. We were both so eager to pee... after I done I waited outside and looked around people setting there talking or studying. My collegue came out soon, and as soon as he came out, all the people stood up and hastily dashed downstairs. I didn't realize what happened until I started to cough. "SOMETHING IS GOING WRONG." I told myself seeing all the people dashing down like escaping for something. "Go! Go! Let's go!" A woman behind us yelled with coughing. "The third floor is on fire!" someone yelled after her. I hold my breath as soon as the air let me cough. My collegue hold my hand and rushed out of the store. People outside were murmuring about what happened inside, curious about why people running out with coughing. "Gosh!" Both of us were so astonished. We quickly got away from that starbucks and dare not to look back. Only thanks God for "we're damn lucky to escape from the fire AFTER we pee!" and pray for all people were safe.
Everytime when I feel how close is danger, I also feel how fragile is life. On my way home, I saw a couple intimately cuddling each other without saying any word. At that moment I also feel how precious is sharing your love to others before your life ends. Life is all about sharing, which is an envidence of your existence.
I received a call from my boyfriend to ask me if I've got home safely. I smiled for his concern and told him all the things happened today, only remained the words about how much I missed him and love him. I think he knows, even he didn't go through that crisis, I know he knows that just through listening to my discription.

Because we need you

Heading for starbuck's "buy one and get one free" with MRT last night, I sit in front of a couple of kids, they were only around 6 or 7 year-old. Few stations past by. Just when I noticed that there's something wrong with the little girl, she started to cry. "What the hell!" The boy frowned, but still tried hard to understand "what the hell" happened to his sister. "I miss mummy... can I speak to her?" They boy stared at her with holding his racing moto toy, "Of course you can, just make a phone call." then focus his on his toy again. However, his words didn't satisfy his sister, she still kept sobbing with powerlessly lying on his brother's shoulder. "Oh come on," his brother started to get impatient. "We're gonna see her soon, can't you just wait for few stations?", "No! I don't want to wait! I can't wait!" I suppose there're only 1 or 2 years old between them, but the brother is obviously more mature and independent. Why?

Well, some of you may say they're just kids, I should not compare them to grown-ups. But the girl's tears remind me the time I cried for crazily missing my ex. I did the same thing with her. She's a kid needing her mother, and I was an older girl who needed protection from a man. You see the common? Both of the condition shows how much we female desire for protection. I continue some childish habbits from my childhood (because I learnt that they're useful), when I was the younger one who always desire to be concerned and taken care of. Especially by those who you love. Kids sometimes cry intentionally to get their parents' attention or concern (or sometimes maybe they want to stun you). Grown-ups do the same thing. At least, I do the same thing. I used to have a tough time by having my ex living far from me. When I wanted to let him know how much I love/need him, I'd cry sadly to show him. Even though I actually wasn't that sad, I just wanted to get more concern and tender comforts which may prove he loves me.

To men: don't say we women are craft or mean with winning your concern by crying. The only reason we do that is because WE LOVE YOU! If we don't, we even don't give a shit about you.
Though some of us(women) desire to be independent and success in their career---but that doesn't mean we don't need you and your concern. The definition of a good man for women varies from different person, what I believe the common is *taking good care of us.* Thus, don't forget to concern about your girlfriend/wife. Unless you wanna see her crying or being mad at you--- to get your attention and concern, or, to stun you.

Men's looking

Due to one of my midterm reports, I started to rewatch a serial I used to like a lot and catch up some new episodes---sex and the city. It's not a new for many of you though, but relationships of men and women is always a popular topic which may never die out. Furthermore, after so many days, by rewatching it, I still feel most of the conversations of the girls are exactly what I was thinking. Many thoughts in it are so accurate and undeniable. I only catched up couple episodes so far, after watching more, I'll come to share some of my opinions indeed.
So whether what brings a man and a woman together? Some people set rules for their expectant partner, like one of my friend, who has only had one boyfriend in her entire life till now, and now eagers to find some one to be with. As one of her best friends, I agreed to introduce some guys that she may likes. But none of them worked out. Why? Because all of the guys are not good enough? I bet the answer is NO. It's hard to tell what's a person like if you have never get along with him or her personally. The main reason of the failures is, the first limit she sets is Good Looking. Is it really so important? I wonder it all the time. Look back to me, the ex-boyfriends I've ever had, though I broke up with 6 already, none of them can really be described with "H" word, but their looking were just acceptable. I mean, at least all of them were clean, comfortable... Their appearance were not the most thing I concerned about. After all, you can't decide to have relationship with a guy only with his looking. That's not the point we should most concern about. Men in the world are not always like those ones in fancy stories---rich, young, handsome and romantic. I can't say you arn't able to find some one like that forever, but it may takes you 100 years. We women should not be too hard on men's looking. Even without good looking, I believe a man can still be charming and confident in other ways.
Anyway, it's good to try on different "flavors" sometimes. I mean, guys who are good in different parts, and that's hard to tell from the appearance only, right?

Got a chance to restart

OK. Now, it's a brand new start. How so? Well, obviously... from the change of my blog, something goes wrong. And, yes, I broke up with someone couple months ago. Surprisingly, it wasn't that painful for me. It's rather painful for him, who was the one wanted to break up. You may wanna ask me "Why?"... Unfortunately, I'm really tired of going through of the prosess for the one thousnad times. (It's like breaking up with him for 1000 times!) I think there's a better way to tell it, with another funny story...

Lately I just found another interesting serial which is called "Accidentally on purpose". One woman who has already in her 30s had one night stand with some young guy (only in his 20s!) she met in a bar. Unluckily, she got pregnent with his baby. She was glad that she finally has a baby when her 40s is approaching, but the story between the woman and this young guy is so embarassing that she dared not to tell others. After seriously discussed with the young guy, they dicided to have this baby. Although none of them are truely believe that they're in love with each other yet, cus things just happened so fast. (They went immediately from "Hey babe" to "Hey baby!") Both of them are trying to take care of eath other and to give commitment, it just wasn't so easy. So the young guy moved into the woman's house, trying to live as a harmony family mode with her. Later, to lessen the tense and pressure between them, they made a deal: They can date someone else. And they really did. One day the young guy dated with a psycho girl who was in love with him and the pregnent woman in the same time (God knows if it's possible) This is the first time the pregnent woman and the young guy feel that they're so together. The woman asked the guy to break up with her and to explain to her with this metaphor: "Well, some food just don't go togehter..."

I love this funny serial so much. But that is not the point of mentioning it. The point is I just broke up with some one who doesn't suit me. Although I thought he did. Anyway, it doesn't matter for me now. I think I'd completely lose contact with that guy... who has been always so far away from me. It's wasn't his fault, if we must blame someone, it must be me. I smashed my loyalty to him... which is an unforgivable reason for him to leave. Quite unhappy to mention about it, it's history anyway. I just want to claim every one deserves a brand new start if he/she has a better option to renew his/her life, don't wait until some day you wake up with astonished face and wonder how come your life had never start?

It Sucks

I don't know. I really don't know. Our relationship is still fragile even if we've given countless promises to each other. I shouldn't be fussy. Yeah. But I could never stop worrying about our future, though it's silly to worry about something you can't change no matter it's due to your incapability or the existing fact. I feel a mess. Awful mood, chaos keeps on, being bothered... I feel powerless and furious that leads me violently in the same time. I'm totally screwed. I feel suck. Gosh damn it, you would never know what am I feeling right now, this mess which damaged me so much,... which makes me feel somehow I'm losing you...
I think it might be okay to lose you when we fought. Because I got so mad at you and selfishly just wanted to protect myself as well as I could from hurts. I can't deny that I need you, that's the reason why I'm being so fragile and weak. What could I say? Does love never fail you?

Every morning

　I love every morning that I can wake up lazily with talking with you and listening to you under the lovely sun, because I can scruplousless indulge in your voice and keep closing my heavy eyes. Although you sometimes complain that "Oh! everytime when I talk with you you're always sleepy!" But you always still considerately tell me to close my eyes to get enough rest. I crazily want to fall into sleep with hugging you when you say that, for you'd know, you are always on my mind whenever. In spite of answering your "good morning" and "baby wake up" with my lazy sleepy voice, but every sentence of "I love you" I said to you still are the earnest and sincerest of me. I maye be the laziest cat among all of cats you've had, but I also am the cat which is the most unale to leave you.
　　Me: Baby, Where are your arms?
　　Baby: "Here, I'm just next to you."
　　Me: Ummmm,......... (closing my eyes...) I love you...
　　Baby: "I love you love you love you love you..."

Our morning

　　Yesterday was really an impressive day that gave me a lesson. Yep, my grandpa's temper is really worse than my mom. When I saw him shouting to my mom on phone, I was so shocked. Does he know his stubborn would make how many people upset? Even he is the eldest so everybody should respect him. Of course I know this, but in which way others would respect him not only because his age but also his personality? Is that really worth to insist on his personal rule rather than hurt others? What's more, he was not hurting any body else but his own daughter! I hate seeing other shouting. It makes that person looks like a crazy, out of mind bastard. When I saw my grandpa doing that, my respect to him totally collapsed. He is the eldest, so he should be the model of us.
　　Every one has his or her own temper, I do have mine too. I got very upset when seeing him doing that to my mom. I cried. Few minutes ago I was just making complaint toward my mom, but at that moment, I started to really sympathize her. How come she could stand for my grandpa's extreme and desperate temper for such a long time? (Fortunately, she moved out since she was studying in senior high school and lived alone.) If I was her, I would be crazy to have such a dad like him. Is that the reason why my grandma moved out from my grandpa and lives with my uncle?
　　There are too many questions among my family, but I can never figure out. No one can solve those problems which are made by our elder members. Those problems are untouchable. Frankly speaking, what I see is only selfish, stubborn, desperation and impatience... Yes, they're not only my opinion but fact. That's why those problem are untouchable, because they refer to the problems of our elder members' personality. We have no right to change their personality. I do not know what did they get through in their life, but at least, shouldn't they take care of others' feelings? Emotional action and response could never get spontaneous respect. Doesn't he want to be a respectful member who is not only being respected with his age but also the good personality? Maybe he is just unable to. I mean, individually, he is not really a person that good in controlling his temper. I could not imagine what did my mom feel when my grandpa shouted at her on that call. All she did then was just asking me to leave with her to not irritate my grandpa continuously. She won my respect rather than my grandpa immediately at that time.
　　I acknowledge I'm not a person with good temper, but at least I won't hurt others on purpose in that outrageous way, especially thoe who I love. Although I don't always have a good attitude toward my mom, at least I still know... yes, like bb told me, she is my mom and I love her. I'd aim at things to respond but not aim at specific person. There are some hurts she caused on me, or those nightmare would not come to knock on my door while I sleep. However, I have a consciousness that I should do like what my grandpa should do, FORGET THE PAST. We got wonderful and hopeful future, how silly are we to be strict by our heavy and hurtful past. Worrying and losing temper change nothing but only bring us more and more sorrow and tears. We can be a better self, how could we give up this precious chance? We are who we want to be.
　　Okay, crap time is over. Let's change another more delightful topic.

　　Every morning is beautiful that I can wake up with your tender voice. "Good morning baby. I miss you". This is the best sentence I would like to hear in every morning when my eyes are still lazily closing. After couple days of tiring traveling, this is the morning that I can finally sleep late and don't need to scrupulous about time so I could talk with baby until he get sleepy. Like my mom said (she's right about me this time) "He is your all" (Hey it's spoken by her, a little bit ironically though LOL) Yes, every morning is so beautiful that I can talk with bb, and fighting on bed about the blanket, pillows, and space to sleep. Otherwise, I think we can hardly sleep quietly because our noses take turn to make music. HA. Baby you feel cold? I'm not going to give you any of the blanket until you come to hug me in your arms, which are warmer than any other place. (whisper: I love you. )